Monday, December 29, 2008
i know.
im going to regret it.
so much.
i know you're going to stay single.
but is it going to be that way?
im getting confused...
i dont know what i should do..
but now.
i also dont want to love anymore.
cause' to me,
love hurts.
love is nothing but torture..
i dont want to suffer anymore..
im crazy.
i know.
im going crazy cause of you.
school going to reopen..
im worried about my weight.
i know im fat.
but will i go into TAF?
i doubt...
but i really hate this body of mine..
how i wish i could alter it..
like a set of clothes..
i know its impossible.
but still.
this is me.
a crying self.
a broken, fragile thing.
its so hard to survive.
the world's cruel.
&& im going to be the victim..
10:12 PM
Friday, December 26, 2008
im imperfect.
im fat.
im ugly.
everytime during dance lessons,
my heart hurts..
i look around,
why m i not the same?
why m i born without a proper waist?
ppl think im just too fat.
i know i am.
im not going to eat anymore.
i dont even know whether i'll work.
i really hate ppl talking behind my back.
no matter good or bad.
i just hate it.
if you really wan to talk about me.
please...
dont let me know.
not a clue.
not a glance.
i beg youe.
youe wont know how much it hurts.
i've been crying..
so much..
maybe its like he said.
i need love.
but i know,
im not worth any love.
i'll screw everything up..
im just..
too imperfect.
i stare at you all.
why are all of you.
so pretty, so slim.
so amiable.
im not any of these.
&& i know.
i'll nvr be.
although im sick..
im going to run tmr.
im fat.
i need exercise.
i really do.
im going to run.
run until i cant run anymore.
run until i'll collapse.
you'll be my only fuel.
you'll be my only thought.
"i must carry on running for youe"
i must..
i must be strong.
i mustnt snap.
if i snap i know,
i'll die.
sigh..
why does it have to be me?
how i wish i could end everything with a knife.
then i could leave..
without worries.
&& i'll wait for you.
in heaven.
10:57 PM
Monday, December 22, 2008
im hurting.
i dont know whye.
its like i've plunged into the cold water.
i know.
i've not given up since we had broken up.
since this june.
june 23.
i rmb it so clearly.
i feel like as if im possessed.
i know im foolish.
foolish to hold on.
but if i dont hold on.
would life have any meaning at all?
without youe in my life,
i just wouldnt be living at all..
all i could do is cry in my unaudible voice.
no one must know.
no one can know.
cause i know; im not worth it.
youe deserve so much more.
i cant match to you.
ppl everywhere hate me.
no one likes me.
i've few true frens.
but all i ever wanted is to be happy.
every minute
every moment
every second to smile.
but i know.
since june.
i've nvr smiled true.
im tired of trying
yeahh im smiling..
but inside im dying.
i hate this.
i hate myself.
i hate everything.
i hate my life.
5:49 PM
Friday, December 19, 2008
whats this feeling?
its starting again.
the rumours.
the talk about me.
i dont like it.
srsly.
im going to break.
like a weak piece of thread.
im going to snap.
would i hang there?
or would i plunge down to the ground.
i know it'll hurt.
it'll hurt alot.
im dying..
but isnt that good?
my pain will end..
all my pain will end.
10:38 PM
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
i dont know what to do..
i've decided to let you go..
but sth tells me..
i'll regret this.
i've got a new audi cpl.
but i cant bring myself to trust him..
im so afraid
so afraid of getting hurt..
so afraid to fall again..
im afraid that all these are just my wishful thinking..
i've alr died once..
i dont know what i'll do to myself
if i fell again
im confused..
shud i love again?
but im just so afraid.
6:38 PM
Monday, December 15, 2008
10/decdo you know you? just seeing your face could make my day.just seeing you safe && happy;i'll be contented..but.. will we meet?when will we meet?where will we meet?how will we meet ?will we even meet?love.this simple 4 letters made me fall apart.made me crazaye..made me love with my all.i thought we'd last forever.but this dream din come true.it walked away.i confused my feelings with the truth.you're gone..you're forever..-------------------------------------------------11/decwhy arent you answering my smses...are you back with her?did she ask you to stay away from me?are you so hardhearted?why are you so mean?my mind's running with questions without answers...you keep on being mean to me.do you know it hurts?it hurts my heart so muchyou laugh at memake jokes about me.but you said before;you love me.but is being mean, loving me?-------------------------------------------------11/deconce, i asked you;would you take care of me forever && ever?you said;i will take care of you with all my heart..i'll protect you forever and ever..but where did you go?i miss youe so much.i want you.i dont want other guys.will you love me again?-------------------------------------------------12/deci keep wondering..would you two patch up again?like we did in the past..althugh it may seem selfish.but i dont want you to go back to her anymore..YOU...what's happening to me?i've never been like this,so vunerable.so broken.you taught me how to love.but you took your love away..leaving me so alone in the dark.i want you back.and dont ever leave me again..每当我需要依靠你，你一定会在这里.有你的地方，就有阳光.你总在我身边.will you?-------------------------------------------------13/decdont cry...'cause you've tried.loving youe means wanting you to be happy.as long as you're happy'i'll be contented.even if i could only be your little sister.just dont forget me.please.thats all i wish for.
10:55 PM
21/novLove.a mystery.a wonderful experience.Loving someone with all your heart..For him.I'd give him my everything.anything, just to spend my life with him.-----------------------------------------------------25/novi dont know why.i thought i had given you up.but why..why was i so upset when she said;i could'nt have you back?do i really want you back again?i suddenly find that i dont know myself.i dont know my own feelings.my head tells me;its useless to wait,cause you wont return.but my heart says;you wont know unless you try.it may be fruitless.but at least you've tried you best.-----------------------------------------------------7/dectake my hand..take a breath.hold me close,and take a step.keep your eyes locked on mine&& let the music be your guide.&& with every step togetherwe just keep on getting bettter.no mountains to high or lowno ocean too wide'cause together or not;our dance wont stop.let it rain.let it pour.what we have is worth fighting for.you know i believe;we were meant to be.-----------------------------------------------------8/decwhy did i let myself believe,miracles could happen?cause now i have to pretend that i dont really care.now my heart is empty..im only left with memories..&& once upon a time.i thought you were my fairytale..my dream when im not sleeping..but now i know.you're not my fairytale && dreams are meant for sleeping..my wishes upon the star..just dont come true..we just dont belong together.Do We?-----------------------------------------------------10/decwhen you left,i lost a part of me...is this so hard to believe?come back babyy..who is going to be with mewhen times get rough?who is going to talk to meuntil the sun comes up?now im so alone.i dont want to be this way.i dont smile true like i did when i was with you.come back babyy.cause i need youe.
9:17 AM
Saturday, December 13, 2008
im back from msia alr.
i feel more happier.
more carefree.
now im back here blogging.
since i didnt have a com in msia,
i wrote it on paper.
( sheesh. what a waste of paper)
lol.
i type the rest tml.
i tink i have jet lag,
no wait.
train lag...
yeahhhs...
10:49 PM
