Saturday, February 28, 2009
She stares at the sky..
so grey, so dark ..
its going to rain soon.
thunder rumbles above.
huge droplets of rain pelts down on her.
she knows she doesnt fit in..
she doesnt fit in anywhere.
this is a feeling shes used to.
a feeling of loneliness and sadness.
tears roll uncontrollably down..
mixing with the ran dripping down her face.
she wonders how to pass the next day.
as she sits all alone on the swing.
she scolds herself for being stupid.
its all self deception.
" everything will turn out fine "
she told herself this countless times
but it never once came true.
she knows shes being used.
she knows people just talk to her
just for the sake of her work.
but she still does her best for others..
hoping and praying one day they will realise
&& treat her genuinely well.
" i love you "
something she hears almost everyday.
but what use does it have ?
when it isnt true ?
but it still makes her feel abit better.
even though its not true.
to her .
Love never existed.
Because,
loving someone is just too painful .
4:26 PM
gavin .
ue an idiot .
idiot...
cant you tell?
hw much you meant to me ?
idiot .
why are ue so dense !
cant ue feel me ?
i hate ue .
are ue that oblivious ?
i should give ue up,
before i love you any deeper.
i hate getting hurt ..
i feel that everytime i get hurt,
i become colder..
more afraid of love..
Maybe i'll accept chris..
i'll just accept him..
i dont want to wait any more..
cause my heart's aching.
aching and yearning for someone to love me.
love me with his whole heart & mind .
gavin.
you are such an idiot ..
dont you know how hurtful some of ur words can be?
i dont know what am i feeling...
i dont know who i am now.
im just so confused.
4:14 PM
Monday, February 23, 2009
i cant explain this pain my heart .
a deep wrenching pain .
its as though my heart is being split into two .
i keep crying and crying ..
but the pain does not go away .
i keep wondering why..
why does god wan to play with my feelings.
i even broke a promise i gave to my friend .
i promised never to cut myself ever again .
and i did not .
but ytd i broke that promise..
i cut my wrist with my rusty panknife .
at least it takes away a bit of my pain ..
people seem to drift away from me .
its so scary..
to see all my loved ones leaving my side .
im so afraid .
i tried to do the best i can;
be nice to everyone,
look pretty.
keep up with trends,
helpful,
doing whatever people asks me to.
but why.
why does this still happen to me?
am i just not good enough ?
i dont know what to do anymore.
im just so broken .
wondering how to patch myself up..
wandering around in a lifetime of darkness..
9:02 PM
Friday, February 6, 2009
whats this tightness in my heart ?
why am iie shaking uncontrollably..
tears flow down unnoticed..
nightmares are coming back .
im so so afraid..
iie dont know this fear..
its coming back stronger..
im breaking..
why..
Why did ue destroy me ?!!
Why did ue destroy my whole life !!
iie hate ue..
10:35 PM
iie dont know whats happening..
although ue treat me unfair.
but iie still love ue.
forever and ever..
iie still do.
so mummmy.
please try to notice me kay?
cause ur nuer is lonely..
shes unwanted.
valentines coming..
i wonder.
would iie spend it alone?
or would iie have company?
my hart's tight and cramped..
im shivering from being alone.
i've never been really happy..
but im wishing,
hoping for the day.
when my hart will smile.
8:46 PM
Thursday, February 5, 2009
iie feel so lonely...
its as if i cant fit in no matter what..
iie feel as if my heart is slowly breaking.
bit by bit.
Shattering..
Disappearing..
i'm afraid of the monster inside me.
Waiting to devour me when my heart has disappeared...
What would iie be like?
iie dont want to be a cold and hurting monster..
Its so scary..
im iie really ur spare batt?
iie hate this kind of life..
mummmy.
What m iie to ue?
im really unsure...
Are ue that cold to me..
unless u're in trouble..
ue nvr call out to me..
im troubled.
n iie nvr knew why.
8:31 PM
