Wednesday, May 19, 2010
i lost you .
im so confused ,
what happened to us ?
there were no warnings ,
no signs ,
just like ourselves being so loving .
but then why ,
why did you have to destroy everything ?
why did you tell me im not the one you love most..
the moment you said it ,
tears pour down my face .
i never ever wanted to let you go .
you said we'll be tgt forever..
but now ,
i dont know what to say anymore .
im lost , losing my direction .
i cant imagine you hugging another girl ,
kissing her tenderly on her forehead..
it just hurts too much .
& i think ,
im not going to function anymore .
shutting myself out from everyone might be best..
even if i cant forget you ,
i have to pretend that i will .
12:11 AM
Friday, May 14, 2010
Why couldnt you tell me you hated me !
Why cant you just say you dont like me !
Why be so friendly and nice to me ?!
Is it because im your friend's girlfriend ?
I DONT WANT THIS .
Why does God want me to face this all at a go..
I cant bear it..
My heart's full of anguish..
Im breaking .
I knew i wasnt liked .
I know im worthless and hateful .
but why..
just dont tell me anything .
i dont wnt to know..
its tearing me into two .
Daniel , i thought you were gonna be okay..
why did you just leave this world behind like this..
dont die , wake up !
just wake up...
i thought your cancer was okay..
i regret .
i regret with my whole heart that i didnt even visit you !
we were so close in secondary 1 .
we played tgt with sri every recess .
your laughter your voice , used to cheer me up .
but now you're gone..
i really pray that you're happy now .
that all your pain & suffering has gone..
Jesus will take care of you , im sure .
im not alright .
i want to .
but tears just fall..
i cant hold it back anymore..
i tried hard this midyears..
i studied hard..
i did my best..
but why are my results like this..
i dont understand .
they'll be sad..
they'll be disappointed..
and i know ,
there wont be encouragement from you all ,
only scoldings , only threats of punishment..
dont you all ever know that it hurts even more ,
when my own family dont even cheer me on..
i dont even feel like coming home..
the pressures so great upon me ,
i feel myself shattering ,
my inner soul screaming in distress and hurt..
i want to cry ,
just yell out all my frustrations ..
i want to forget all my sadness..
but is that possible ?
10:01 PM
Monday, May 3, 2010
i only want you all to try understanding me .
all this time ,
you all only put heavier burdens on me .
i tried my hardest .
i really do..
why wont anyone believe me .
its breaking my heart ,
that you're my family .
but you dont even feel like one .
so distant ,
under the cloudy grey sky ,
the pain i feel is what you all wont understand .
i only wanted to smile ,
be happy ,
but all these you all wont even let me .
how can i continue..
its such a strain .
even my sickness , i tried to tell you .
granny i tried !
but you didnt even believe me..
you said im talking rubbish..
but it isnt .
deep down ,
i know its wrong .
its wrong to start resenting you all .
but its hard ..
i only feel safe & myself when im with kenny ,
why cant even i show my true self at home..
its like theres a glass wall isolating us .
i love you baby .
thankyou for being there for me .
9:54 PM
