Wednesday, February 24, 2010
im not angry at all .
im just so disappointed .
so disappointed and sad .
why does it always have to be this way .
i dont understand why is soccer more impt then i am .
my heart and head hurts so much ,
with every step i take away from you ;
my heart throbs with pain .
promises arent meant to be broken ,
dont you ever get it ?
it hurts that i dont mean anything to you at all .
i cant look at you anymore ,
im just reminded why do i love a guy like you .
i want to hate you .
i want to forget you .
but i cant .
but just for today .
let me hate you .
at least its not so painful for me .
my heart grimaces everytime i think about the hurt you inflicted .
and tears would just fall ,
its tiring , like im the only one trying to make this work .
love is two-way .
it wont work if only one person is working hard .
it'll only make the person trying really worn out ,
im so defeated .
but tmr , i'll try to love you again .
many people told me that you're not worth loving ,
you're not good enough for me .
but sometimes i think is it me that is not good enough ?
i cant let you go so easily ,
my heart wont let me .
because i only love you .
you this stupid bastard .
5:52 PM
Monday, February 22, 2010
tired ,
so tired .
the constant feeling of hungerness ,
eating me up from inside .
boy , you make me feel so isolated sometimes .
why is it so hard for me to reach your heart ?
its like there isnt even a proper link between us .
im tired of being the one always trying my best .
what about you ?
i dont blame you , i'll never blame you .
but cant you even try a bit harder to be a better boyfriend ?
its tiring chasing after you .
my heart cant stand much punishment ,
i may seem forgiving , but everything you do ,
its hurting me .
im not that strong as you thought .
am i just not as important as soccer or your friends ?
it stings to know ,
im your girlfriend but im as worthless as water .
hurting ,
hurting much .
but i wont give up so easily on you .
9:10 PM
Thursday, February 18, 2010
stress ,
workk ,
bulimia ,
depression ,
im wearing out .
im so tired of everything .
but whenever i feel like giving up i cant .
i have to be strong .
i cant let other people know .
this side of me .
this pain , hurt , it cant be shown .
no , i cant .
i must carry on ,
i must bear with the pain .
9:34 PM
Friday, February 12, 2010
i know soccer's important .
but im not a toy , not a doll .
why did you promised to go out with me ,
when you didnt want to .
you could just tell me .
i'll understand .
just dont take me for a joke .
knowing you weren't taking your promise to me srsly ;
hurts me much more than you say you want to go soccer instead .
i dont understand you ,
this pain in my heart ,
hurts so much that i cant take it .
but i wont give up .
i cant give you up ,
if i do , i dont have anything left .
i only have you .
you're my life .
although people told me that i should forget you ,
i cant ,
i wont accept my fate without trying my best .
loving you may be difficult .
loving you may be tiring and bitter .
but i'll love you with my heart and soul .
i know people has been talking behind my back again .
but i dont mind if they're talking about the facts ,
but why cant you all get the facts right before backstabbing me ?
i cant even believe you did that .
bitches , i was right to not trust you completely .
if you dont even understand me ,
talking about me behind my back serves what purpose ?
i'll only think you're so silly .
i wont care .
even if some parts of my heart cringes .
running along the track ,
my mind's full of you .
your name etched so clearly in my mind ,
using it to cheer myself on ,
no matter how much my knee hurts .
i'll carry on for you .
i'll cont running towards the finishing end .
towards an imaginary you .
7:49 PM
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
im getting scared ,
afraid that im being irritating or a pest .
im afraid that you'll hate me .
i know soccer's impt to you .
but why cant you just spend some time with me ?
even if its just a day ,
i'll be contented .
but i wont force you ,
i'll wait patiently for you .
no matter how long it takes ,
i'll always be here waiting for you .
sometimes your reluctance to go out with me ;
really hurts my heart ,
it turns my heart sour and cold .
& im freezing ,
from inside .
how i wished i could follow you wherever you go .
but i dont want to be a puppy following you around ,
i know you have your own freedom ,
but cant you spare a thought for my feelings ?
since i've fallen for you ,
i realised i've always texted or called you first .
do i really mean so little to you ?
or are you just taking me for granted ?
i only wanted you to love me just a bit more .
just a bit more .
i dont want to be a hopeless cause .
i can feel bulimia eating me up inside .
i wonder ,
if you'd ever felt too hungry , too hungry to eat ?
its coming back again ,
the scary cycle of bingeing and purging .
my gastric's getting worse ,
im so afraid one day i'll collapse & everyone will find out .
i dont want that to happen .
i dont want people to worry about me .
but i cant control myself any longer .
i just hope ,
i wont collaspe from the frequent stomach aches .
the stomach aches hurt so bad i want to cry out ,
i know its caused of me drinking too much water ,
expanding my tummy ;
then by purging ,
i shrink my tummy again .
i just cant control myself .
whenever i eat too full , theres a voice in me ,
saying im getting too fat , too obsese ,
then i'll just vomit everything out .
deep inside ,
i can only hope ,
for someone to rescue me .
pull me out of this living hell .
8:04 PM
Sunday, February 7, 2010
social studies isnt studied .
screwed ;
:{
why everytime i wished you to contact me first ,
but whenever you do ,
its just bad news .
im tired .
i really am .
despite crying the whole night for you .
i know i wont regret falling for you .
& im sorry dy for making you cry too .
im not worth your tears ,
so just forget me , you have another girl to take care of .
im messed up ,
i dont know where to head to .
this feeling in my heart ,
is one i know all too well .
this cramped unsettled feeling ,
makes me want to cry out .
but i know i cant .
im strong ,
im strong ,
i must be strong .
9:59 PM
today's a mess ,
im a wreck .
i just dont know what to do ,
im just lost .
in a sea of emotions .
-
senior ,
why didnt you tell me you had a girlfriend ,
i thought you told me everything .
if i know you did ,
i wouldn't ask you out to tutor me maths alr .
i feel so dumb ,
deep down i know ,
im just lonely , wanting company .
im just not that strong after all .
aft talking about dg to you ,
i realised that even though dg treats me so bad ,
i still like him , i love him .
i just hope for a miracle to come & take me away .
talking about him ,
tears fall unvoluntarily .
i dont want to cry infront of you .
i wanted to be strong ,
but why arent i strong enough yet .
maybe , maybe i just need more time .
build a wall around me .
showing only my happy face .
-
darling ,
why dont you understand dg ,
i cant live without you .
i cant even smile .
but why do you have to keep saying hurting words like that .
my heart tears itself into two everything you do that .
im in pain .
im in so much agony ,
you dont understand at all ,
how it feels to wait for something so far away .
you know ,
im so tired of chasing after you .
mentally , physically .
its like you dont give a damn about me at all .
even if i dont ask you out , call you or text you .
i'll recieve nothing from you at all .
am i that worthless in your heart ?
or are you just toying with me ?
tears fall whenever i think about this ,
but i try to believe ,
i try to hope ,
i just dont want to be broken by you .
waiting for you is so hard ,
its like waiting for rain in an african drought ,
useless and disappointing .
& my heart aches .
-
baoyi ,
im sorry i didnt care much for you .
i didnt mean to .
i may be quiet & keep things to myself .
but actually i worry most .
just that i dont know how to say it .
i seem so dumb , so useless .
im just sorry .
i know sy and kar are better friends than i am .
but i just want you to know ,
if one day ;
you cant find anyone to share your feelings ,
console you , hug you .
im always here for you .
here to push you back up ,
even if it means sacrificing myself .
babe i love you .
sorry that im so useless .
-
im not that strong ;
save me somebody ,
please i beg you .
save me ..
12:10 AM
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
you can never imagine the loneliness i feel
whenever you just walk past me .
when you're with your friends ,
just a simple hello would do .
please just dont ignore me .
i need you darling .
i need you badly ,
sometimes i feel as though im a kite .
being reeled in & thrown out .
that feeling is so horrible ,
so painful .
tears just fall .
feeling this insecure ,
i rather not having fallen for you .
but i know ,
i wont regret this .
i cant .
otherwise , i'd have nothing left .
you're what makes my day .
i dont want tears to fall .
but they just do .
i must be strong ,
everyone's relying on me ,
im the strong one , the listening ear
if i collapsed what will happen to them .
everytime i seemed to be the one thats nvr fallen ,
nvr hurt or injured much .
but inside ,
im crying , sprawling , dying .
im afraid to show that side of me ,
even if thats who i really are .
im so afraid of you leaving me .
im afraid if you do ,
i'll cry everytime i see you .
even a glimpse makes me heart beats faster .
do you ?
cause i love you .
and i really really do .
9:55 PM
