Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Exams .
gah...
So tired uh .
legs very suan also D:
but i nono why .
Stress can .
tmr got chinese paper .
eeeesh
i tink my english gone case already .
:X
my composition got problem .
especially when i didnt check .
*wails*
Oh well ;
today as usual .
im still missing you .
<3
are you fine ?
I wish you all the best in exams my dear .
Jiayous .
mm .
3:27 PM
Monday, April 27, 2009
ahahahahs !
I got dumped !
ahahahas .
IM DUMPED !
Wakakaas .
muahahahah !
wuhahahaa !
ahahahahas !
IM A DUSTBIN BABY !
AHAHAHAS !
& sadly ,
im going crazy from it .
mm .
7:26 PM
Saturday, April 25, 2009
By your reactions i know ;
I've been duped again .
i guess i should give you up .
but im not sure .
should i really give you up like that ;
or fight for you ?
After all this ;
Its abit painful to suddenly accept the truth .
maybe time is the best healing medicine .
i dont know why i keep laughing today .
Have i gone crazy ?
Or am i using laughter instead of tears ?
i dont know .
All i know is that its going to hurt for a while .
Because i really loved you hard .
now im falling ,
praying that my friends will catch me ;
nurse my wounds & make me better .
maybe even they wont .
cause maybe i shudnt tell them ;
making them worry isnt another way .
Still in my heart ;
theres a small part of me
which continues to love you abit .
Perhaps ;
as days go by..
i will love you less & less
until i dont anymore .
But for now .
i'll just say ;
I love you Zhirong .
I loved you too much .
9:46 PM
Friday, April 24, 2009
Im getting jittery again .
its all coming back .
Why does another girl calls you laogong ?
Why ?
So i was right ?
Its so scary ..
its so scary when i feel the truth ..
its feels even worse when ;
you dont love me like i do .
Was your intention just to have fun ?
was i never important to you ?
i could not feel your love ;
altho you said you loved me alot .
& im afraid .
im afraid to lose you .
losing you also meant that ;
i'll lose everything in my life .
please tell me the truth .
because im going to believe you .
please dont let me believe in lies .
because if i find out myself ;
i will hurt even more .
cause it also wont hold any meaning ,
if i just loved you with all my heart ;
but you dont .
What can i do to make it right ?
Cause i dont know what to do ;
all i know is that im missing you .
10:14 PM
Thursday, April 23, 2009
mm .
time for something not so dramatic .
my life is too full of that already .
i guess .
im kind of sad today too .
i really cant get over the fact that ;
my maths attained a 13 out of 40 .
i was really shocked .
nearly cried too D;
how ne ..
oh well .
mugging my geog later .
and of course ;
missing my darling .
He's having tuition .
Shh .
(:
Still ,
although he may be two-timing me ;
i've decided to believe him .
in a relationship there has to be trust .
so im going to trust him with my heart .
no matter how it turns out .
im sure it will turn out okay .
8:16 PM
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
why does it hurt so much .
why does it hurt to give up ?
i've been shattered to pieces .
but the more i try to fix myself ,
the more i get hurt .
what should i do .
what am i going to do .
how could you be so cruel ,
dont you know it hurts ?
its painful .
especially when i just cant get over you .
9:40 PM
She sits ; sobbing into her arms .
she knew she was right .
how could the world be so perfect ?
it was another beautiful lie .
another day ;
another time .
She still doesnt know why .
Confused & down ;
She stared at the sky ,
wondering when .
When will all this pain stop .
Although she knew ;
She already suspected the truth .
But she did not want to believe in it .
Still ;
it hurts too much .
the pain of being two-timed ..
It just tears her apart .
Staring at the cloudy sky .
wondering what to do next .
wondering how to pass the day ;
the day without you .
9:06 PM
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I dont really feel secure..
somehow its like you will leave me any minute .
Thats my biggest fear .
my worst nightmare ;
is when i wake up & find out that ,
you've disappeared from my world .
you wont right ?
because i'll never do that to you .
we've alr made a promise ;
when we grow up .
we will get married , buy a house ,
& make soccer team .
not as many as that but ,
the most impt thing .
Is that i love you .
7:01 PM
Monday, April 20, 2009
Aren't they such a beautiful couple ?
sometimes i feel so envious .
but i wish we can .
and i want to ;
last long and be as loving as they are .
im so afraid to lose you .
so dont go .
baby i need you .
10:02 PM
Sunday, April 19, 2009
I need to find a way to let you go.
I can’t keep going like this.
It is tearing my heart apart.
But how do I tell you good bye.
How do you let the one you love go?
I’ve lost you once
& you have found your way
back into my heart.
Once again,
I’m losing you to her love.
Why are you toying with my heart?
By letting me think
there could be something more.
Knowing you will always run back to her.
When you walk out of my life to be with her ;
I just want to run to you
& tell you that I love you.
Hoping you would stay with me.
But the fear of you telling me ;
that you have to go,
stops me from running to you.
I have to accept that
she has your heart .
& you have hers.
9:43 PM
im afraid of whats going to happen ..
are you really playing with my feelings ?
you can just tell me you dont love me ;
why did you leave me hanging on air ..
it hurts .
it hurts alot .
it feels as if im being torn apart ..
cant you just throw me down ;
release me from the world..
because i really feel like i want to die ..
die and not feel anymore pain .
if you love yongyi ,
just say .
I'll let you go ..
Although i wont be willing ,
but i still want you to be happy ..
if you dont love me
& i keep you by my side .
i'd be too cruel .
because if i love you ;
i would wish you happiness .
i wont mind .
but i'll still be here for you .
if you ever need me .
I'll wait ,
wait till the day ;
you say you only love me .
5:15 PM
you said you didnt love her .
but what does all this mean ?
im so confused ...
you said you loved me .
me and only me .
did you lie to me ?
is this just to see me upset ?
Why ..
Why are doing this to me ..
12:31 AM
All i ever wanted was to be with you .
but it wont happen to me .
i know my life ,
this kind of things only happens to others ,
For me , this kind of fairytales ;
Just doesn exist .
12:20 AM
its so scary .
the feeling's choking me .
is this real ?
why aren't you contacting me .
im in tears .
im shivering uncontrollably .
why is this happening to me .
i've always failed .
i've always cried .
nothing even tries to turn out right .
baby , din you promise me we must talk once a day ?
this is the 6th day .
why ?
why din a hear a thing from you ..
my heart's starting to break .
what happened to us ?
maybe you're just too busy .
that must be it .
you're busy with studies ...
im too sensitive .
yes , its like that .
i mustnt act up .
its nothing .
i must be strong .
i must .
because no matter how long it takes .
i going to wait for you .
i love you .
no matter how far we're apart ,
i'll always be here .
For you and whenever you need me .
Lean on me ,
confide in me .
Trust me ,
love me .
Kiss me ,
love you .
12:12 AM
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
tears dripping down her face ;
shes so confused .
how does he feel about her ?
she never exactly knows .
he said he loves her .
is this true ?
or is this another beautiful lie ?
She screams out loud .
She just doesnt understand why ;
she feels like some toy ,
discarded when hes busy
& played with and loved when he needs company .
Shes screams and cries into her pillow .
Why do he keep making her wait ?
Although she knows he busy with oncoming exams
but she feels unwanted .
All she wanted was some love ,
some affection and care .
Affection that will last long ,
true care for her .
Its okay if hes busy .
cause she knows even tho hes busy
he will call her .
But deep in her heart says ;
Would he ?
Does he even really love you ?
Shes going to trust him .
shes going to give her heart & soul to him .
And hope miraculously ,
something beautiful will come out .
She love Him .
Thats a fact that will never change .
9:08 PM
Saturday, April 11, 2009
sometimes i dont know what to do .
sometimes i dont understand you .
im not sure ;
where do i stand in your heart .
because all im feeling now is uncertainty .
all im feeling now is sadness.
im confused .
do you love me like you said you do ?
or im a just a replacement ?
im not sure .
6:53 PM
Friday, April 10, 2009
i guess ;
i've handed my heart to you .
although we aren't official yet ;
im trusting you with myself .
i know i may seem happy most of the times .
im actually fragile & vunerable .
so be careful will you ?
dont drop me ;
dont discard me .
I'll die .
Because i didnt meant to fall in love with you .
but when i did ;
i just cant stop myself .
i cant believe ;
im so in love again .
7:57 PM
You said it wasn't going be like ;
It was before
Then it happened again
Pushing me back out the door .
Thought it would be for real this time
Love me forget about the signs .
So now what do I do ?
Now, that I know
That we're through .
Wish that I could move on
Can't let go ; It's too strong
Just like that & then you're gone
Is this how you wanted it to be
Everything you had to say ;
Sent the tears right down my face
Now I'm trying to escape the misery
Why don't you love me
The way I loved you
It feels so crazy cause I dunno
What I did to you
If you're gonna hurt me ; then do it quickly
Cause I'm tired of crying
If you don't wanna stick around
Then, baby forget about me
Too late, sorry
I didn't even have the chance
You said you were happy
Baby ; I don't understand
Gave you everything you asked for
& was ready to give you a lot more
I would've given the world
Right in the palm of your hand
Wish that I could move on
Can't let go ; It's too strong
Just like that & then you're gone
Is this how you wanted it to be
Everything you had to say ;
Sent the tears right down my face
Now I'm trying to escape the misery
Boy ; My heart was true
& that you can't deny
Don't be a fool and walk away
from all the lies
It's up to you because heaven knows
I've tried
Tell me ; you're still in love
Forget about me
I really loved you...
7:51 PM
Another lonely and rainy day ..
*shivers*
wondering what you're doing now .
i miss you .
~-`~-`~-`~-`~-`~-`~-`~-`~-`~-`~-`~-`~-`
Huddled beside the window ,
staring at the gloomy sky .
raindrops pit-pattering on the roofs.
She sits and waits ;
for the one that belongs to her .
But sometimes she feels ;
that no matter how long she waits ;
he not coming .
hes never coming back to her .
Hugging herself next to the window ,
staring at the rain-filled sky .
she knows she alone .
Hopefully ,
Temporarily alone .
6:27 PM
i guess i really like you .
i guess i really love you .
but im not sure if you do .
but just to say ;
im not giving up .
you're all i have .
i just wont know what to do
if i woke up one day without you .
i love you darling .
trust me .
i will and forever do .
12:03 AM
Thursday, April 9, 2009
While you gave her flowers, you gave me thorns.
While all she did was smile, all I did was mourn.
While she was so happy, I felt so blue.
Because while you loved her, I was loving you.
I like you ;
understand ?
I love you ;
do you know ?
I guess you really dont .
Staring at the sky ;
The stars so bright .
but what im missing
is you're not here tonight .
You once said you loved me ;
Is that true ?
or is it just something to make me happy ?
I just dont know .
But now im so afraid ;
afraid to love someone again .
because im afraid that i will get hurt ,
sad & depressed .
I hate that feeling ;
of being so alone.
because whenever i feel alone
Im so lost in the world .
Deep in my heart i know ;
im not perfect ;
so many bad points ,
its a wonder that i still have friends .
but sometimes i admit ;
im really unwanted .
because i dont fit in .
10:53 PM
Sunday, April 5, 2009
I once heard a story straight from the heart
About a girl and how her world began to fall apart
It all started when she met the boy
that made her life complete
Just thinking of him made her heart skip a beat
They were the couple everyone wanted to be
There were no imperfections as either one could see
As the weeks passed they fell more in love
&& were less aware
Of how often life turns out to be unfair
Until one day she finally gave in
She realized there was no way she could win
She said I'm sorry but i have to let you go
As he reached for her hand she pulled away whispering no
When she turned around a tear slid down her cheek
He just stood there speechless, forgetting how to speak
The next few days were the hardest at home
She truly felt she was all alone
Her mom pushed in her face how she had won
Her dad said "i knew he was just another one"
Her sister said "come on you'll be ok"
And her brother just tried to stay away
At school it was like her friends weren't even there
None of them seemed to really care
Her life had no more color, just black and white
Even getting out of bed turned into a fight
Despite their tries things just weren't like before
Then he decided "i don't wanna try anymore"
At that she tried to cut him out
But the more she ignored him ;
the more her feelings began to shout
When she saw him that day ;
she could no longer just walk by
And before she knew it her mouth opened up
&& out came "hi"
He looked up and said "so now we're talking?"
She just smiled and join his walking
Everyday they talked a little more
& everyday she began to like him a little less then before
As the months passed by
she became more and more aware
About how its ok life's unfair
Because eventually everything becomes your past
But your memories will always last
And with that i hope you see
Not all love is meant to be
But hold on and don't give in
Stand tall, hold up your chin
And believe me when i say
The right one will come one day
He'll open your eyes to things you couldn't ever see
I know this because..this is a story all about me...
9:46 AM
Would you just listen
and please don't say a word, just yet,
I'd like you to think back
to the very first time we met,
How you felt around me?
The memories we shared,
And just remember that once upon a time,
you really cared.
Now think about how we parted,
and how much I cried,
But please don't speak,
remember that I never ever lied,
That I told you the honest truth
about why we were to split,
But now I'd like you to know
that my heart broke bit by bit.
The pain was deep, unbearable && painful, for so many months,
I'll never forget all the sadness,
all the uncontrollable tears,
Slowly I am rebuilding my life,
I am content with what I've got,
&& although it is hard I am beginning to forget
what I have not.
You were a special part of my life
that I will never forget,
A part of my life that broke my heart,
but that I don't regret,
You gave me some happy memories
that I'll keep in my heart,
Altho sometimes I wish that you & I didn't have to part.
You were my first love and my true love,
that will always be so,
After all of the heartache,
sadness and never ending pain, I know,
You & I had something special & that will never change,
'Cause I love you & loving someone else will always seem strange.
Would you just listen
&& please don't say a word, not ever,
I'd like you to remember
that once upon a time, we said forever,
That I had hopes and dreams,
that I was the one who threw them away,
& this is something I will always regret until my dying day.
8:42 AM
Saturday, April 4, 2009
i just dunno why .
i feel so shattered and broken .
is my decision wrong ?
so empty .
all this emptiness around ;
threatening to swallow me up and drown me .
all i know is ;
even tho i loved you deep ,
but aft i knew you
so many problems arose.
you just dont know
how hurting your words sometimes can be .
you just dont know
how many times i cried for you .
you arent worth of me .
but now im wondering ,
is this right ?
i think it is .
i tink so .
just cant explain why my heart is hurting .
my head's swamped with thots .
my heart's feeling cramped and weird .
the feeling of wanting to hurt myself is so strong .
what am i going to do .
im lost again .
somebody help me .
somebody save me .
im alone ...
11:03 PM
Im getting jittery again .
