Monday, October 5, 2009
cold , shivery .
this so familiar feeling i never dared to tell anyone .
i feel so uncomfortable now .
the pain , hurt i've gone through .
why doesnt anyone understand .
im so afraid now ,
so cold , and so tired .
i know people may think ,
shes such a bitch , such a flirt .
keep changing boyfs .
but i just realised ,
i cant live without love .
i cant carry on without support from another .
but i just cant help myself .
sometimes i really hate myself ..
i've not been eating recently too ,
i dont have appetite .
im afraid now ,
that i have both bulimia and anorexia .
i haven been vomiting out my food
but i still have the fear of putting on weight .
fat ,
such a scary term .
to me ,
one more kg added is like doomsday .
it never fails to ruin my day ;
if i put on even half a kg that day .
now , i cant seem to bring myself to eat in school .
but at home i still eat to cover up .
at least i still eat abit .
im afraid tht a day will come that
when i dont want to eat anymore .
i've read up ,
all these are symtoms of anorexia ,
but i dont have an extremely low body weight..
im 48kg now , 155cm in height .
but my weight keeps fluctuating up and down .
so scary .
but yet , i dont have the courage to seek help ..
9:42 PM
