Monday, April 5, 2010
i dont like this .
i feel unsettled all the time .
and it makes me feel really sick .
coughing all the time , gasping for breath .
soon , i'll be skinny .
i wont have to face the world with my huge unsightly body agn .
i'll be skinny so nobody can judge me any longer .
i hate it when you all judge me .
i know im fat im ugly .
but you dont have to say them behind my back .
its not as if i wont know .
dont worry ,
i'll be thinner than you ,
all of you .
you'll just look out for me .
after all doesnt thin & beautiful always come tgt ?
maybe then , i'll be accepted .
maybe then.. i'll have friends .
i wonder if i'll have anyone to lean on any longer ..
im so afraid to tell anyone my feelings anymore ,
they'll be tired of me ,
always complaining all the time .
always being so insecure that its hilarious .
all these feelings kept deep within me ,
bottling up one upon another .
threatening to break , threatening to unravel .
its like im always on the verge of tears .
its really toturing ,
having this feeling always..
i rather be knocked down by a car ,
than trying to survive another day .
but i cant do that .
my granny'll worry..
she'll be so sad if im gone just like this..
im sure out there ,
someday , no matter how far ,
theres a place for there just for me..
i'll just have to persevere .
i'll get there..
lies .
its all false hope .
im trying so hard .
but nothing turns out right .
its alright .
i wont be hurt again ,
i'll just shut myself in .
build a protective wall around me .
im not going to trust anyone fully ever again .
i can only trust myself .
only me , i cant depend on others .
friends ?
its just a fancy word for people who stick together .
theres no such thing like that .
im going to stop this pain .
by myself , no matter how impossible .
im going to try .
even if i know i wont make it .
i can barely breathe .
8:49 PM
