Thursday, June 24, 2010
I trembled when i heard we were going to marina plaza .
suddenly all my memories with ken came back ,
flashing through my mind .
over and over again ,
i was so afraid to see him in the mall ..
but truthfully ,
i was more afraid of seeing you two tgt ;
holding hands or kissing .
i never wanted to go back there so quickly..
cause it hurts so much when i realise its really over ,
the times when you used to hold me tight in the mrt ,
times when i hugged your arm like a little girl .
i can show myself without restraint..
i can dont pretend when im with you .
my mask retrieved ,
showing you many sides nobody has seen .
its been a month and 2 weeks since the breakup..
stupid heart ,
why do you still skip a beat when you think of him .
its over cheryl !
dont i ever get it..
even as i was playing pool ,
my hands trembled so much..
how much i wanted to see you ,
but im so afraid of what i would see .
stupid hands , dont betray my feelings .
i fought so hard to keep myself in ,
to hold my unshed tears back .
i cant let down my guard again..
i cant cry infront of them..
just cant let myself go..
cause i'll be so out of control ,
and im afraid .
our memories there , so happy & cheery .
our first date there .
so shy & funny .
but now , you're holding another girl close to you .
you chose her over me .
but im just so stupid to still miss you .
miss those kisses planted on my forehead .
the way you held me tightly ,
the way you hold my hand while telling me funny things .
its so weird without you .
its just so empty .,
that i felt so uneasy at the mall ,
i felt my stomach churning into a ball..
memories replaying & replaying .
stabbing my heart everytime i recall ,
that you dont belong to me anymore .
stuffing myself with icecream when im sad isnt working ,
i'll only put on weight..
but i cant help it .
you weigh my heart down so much..
its alright..
i'll just vomit it all out later .
who cares whether i have bulimia or not .
i'd rather die than feeling this hurt in my heart .
8:07 PM
